“Just tell me how to be different in a way that makes sense.”
OMG THIS PHOTO IS PERFECT OMG
1. I’m at the age and weight where most girls either decide enough is enough and lose the weight or just accept themselves for who they are and commit to eating and living their life that way. I have still not made up my mind so I am stuck in that in between weight where I’m not fat enough to get with men who want to love me just for me but not hot enough to attract the shallow ones.
2. Anal. I was with a guy recently and asked him if he had ever done anal with a girl and he said he had with his girlfriend when they were 15. I was like FIFTEEN? What FIFTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL goes PAST losing the virginity and is like, “Let’s go all out, let’s discover all my crevices.” Meanwhile the first time I saw a penis was at 16, a year after her two-hole enlightenment, and I told my boyfriend after six months that I would be willing to give him a hand job and he took his dick out, I saw it and said nevermind and we didn’t try again until a year later. Like that’s how much a penis scared me. I just saw the thing and was like “nah I’m good, let’s just get back to you only touching me.” Isn’t that crazy that at 16 I had more sexual power than I feel I do as a 26 year old woman? Now I can barely hold out five dates before I’m like “fuck if I don’t fuck him he’s going to move on to all these other girls who fuck on the fourth date. Anyway, that was a tangent. Back to the fifteen year old girl. So he tells me she’s fifteen and after my initial shock I’m like who would do that? So my mind immediately goes to stereotypes of young girls who do anal and who do I think? Yep, catholic school girls. Cause that makes sense right? This stereotype is so odd but as many of us have heard, catholic girls, who are the real troopers here because that is a intense devotion to two things: God and having sex which you might have thought is a binary but they have connected the two. These girls have sex in the ass because the Bible told them not to lose their virginity but lucky for them did not specify the anal virginity so it’s all good in the hood for God in terms of anal. #logic. I swear girls who apply this kind of logic to anal sex is like Henry VIII logic with divorce. Well if this woman won’t produce me an heir then I shall behead her and divorce her and marry a new woman that will. (might need to fix this analogy)
That’s the name of a Shins song.
When I think about caring, it’s actually something quite difficult.
What makes us decide to care about someone? What makes us decide to give a shit about their life?
And then, there’s the terrible feeling of feeling not cared for. That’s the worst feeling of all.
Everyone always goes on and on about love. I think the ultimate emotion is caring. Whether it’s about family, friends, or a significant other.
I just hope that everyone in the world is not too self-absorbed to forget to care about the ones they love. It’s an important task. To give and take.
Here’s my vow, to caring.
It’s funny people will always think of you based on their judgment, never realizing there’s a lot more to a person than one perceives…
that Mark noticed more about me than any other guy I’ve ever dated in my entire life, and then had the courage to tell me.
Fuck the people I end up talking to.
They’re all a bunch of dipshits and morons.
Not even worth it.
Reading back to our conversations really makes me miss Mark. And not what we mainly talked about but him. I wish we had stayed friends….
“you have to start pumping out the trash before you even get to the good stuff. ALWAYS WRITE! ALWAYS CREATE! Everything you do will be better than the last!”
this summer, I’m going to buy a journal that gives 1 page for every day of the year, starting when school starts. For each day I will write one objective of the day. I must complete this objective that day. Then, I have one page to write about that day.
GO.
I’m sitting here freaking out and don’t even know what I’m freaking out about.
see or think of something I don’t like, I close my eyes and wish for it to go away.
It’s almost become a reflex now.
And a shiver rattles through my head.
